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Stacy B Miller On 4th Apr,16
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How to help your jobless uncle tactfully who always begs for money

The unemployment statistics for the first month of January 2015 is out. Here’s a sneekpeak at the unemployment rate in the country.

The current unemployment rate is 5.7%.

Unemployment rate for men - 5.3%
Unemployment rate for women - 5.1%
Unemployment rate for Whites - 4.9%
Unemployment rate for Black - 10.3%
Unemployment rate for Asians - 4%
Unemployment rate for Hispanics - 6.7%

The job market in the country is still rough. So, if you’re one of those fortunate people who have a job, then thank your lucky stars right now. But do think a little bit about those who don’t have a job too. I know nobody has time to think about others, but at least show some humanity or address the problem carefully when your middle-aged and jobless uncle asks for money.

Please do understand that your uncle is not jobless by choice. Moreover, money is a very sensitive subject. So, you have to handle the issue tactfully. But what if your uncle asks for money regularly? What if he begs for money every now and then? Should you be rude or should you just say a polite “Sorry”?

Well, life is much more than being rude or sorry. And there are lots of ways to deal with the problem too. Interested to know how you can solve the problem? Here’s how.

Be co-operative but within your limits

Like I said, don’t be uncooperative. But again, don’t sucumb to emotional manipulation also, and for this you have to set some ground rules which are:

  • Politely inform that you don’t want to poison your sweet relationship with uncle by creating debt.
  • Inform that you won’t take out a loan or co-sign for your uncle.
  • You’ll give money but you won’t give out a loan. If you really can’t afford to give money, then you can’t issue a loan too.
  • You’ll buy food for till you can afford and without creating any debt.

Ask questions to know his true intention

When you’re giving money to your uncle, you’ve full right to know if he needs money to feed his necessary expenses or the unnecessary ones. Ask questions to be sure that he is not asking money for purchasing a car or an expensive smartphone.

Buy foods instead of giving him money

If your uncle really can’t use your money properly, then do one thing. Buy rice, fruits, veggies, lentils and pasta. Give all these food stuffs to his family instead of him. At least nobody would starve to death.

Don’t let yourself being used

There is a difference between being a helpful nephew and being used. Help him if he is trying to do something for making money. Help him to get a job and do the necessary paperwork if required. But don’t make him completely depended upon you. Neither should you continue to give money throughout your life. It will make you run out of money one day. Moreover, your uncle has to deal with the situation on his own.

Show him other options

Your uncle has to work. Nobody will give him money throughout his life. If you really want to help your uncle, then take the following steps:

  • Let him know about the government programs for people like him.
  • Take your uncle to a social service office/charitable organizations and help him with paperwork.
  • A few fast food places hire “old people”. You can help him to get a job there.
  • You can encourage him to start a business provided he has the skill to run it.
  • If he has debts, then show him how to deal with it during unemployment.

Involve other people as well

Next time he comes to you for money, just say:

“Today, I don’t have any money. Let’s call dad and mum. They might be help you out.”

The idea is to involve as many relatives as you can. Act as if you genuinely want to help and this is why you’re calling up other relatives. After a few ‘no’s’, your uncle will realize that fountain is dry.

What you shouldn’t say

Never ever utter these hurtful words to your uncle even if you’re raging in fury.

  1. I do understand what you’re going through.
  2. Oh, pls! Not again!
  3. Umm..may be you’re not doing the right thing.
  4. You must have lots of time for yourself.

Learn to say no when nothing works to make your uncle take up his financial responsibilities seriously. Say, “I do love you uncle, but it’s not possible to financially support you throughout my life. I have a family too”. This should be a wake up call for your uncle. If he doesn’t change even after this, then nobody can.

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